Thursday, November 4, 2010

#fridayflash: Nano Excerpt - Eavesdropping

Alright so due to the adventure that is Nanowrimo, it is looking highly unlikely that I'll be writing any #fridayflash this month! For those who might be interested I'll share snipits of my Nano -- please do be kind, remember there's little to no editing involved and excessive wordiness, the antithesis of Flash, is ENcouraged :)

I cheated a little for my Nano and used the story I started last year in my Flash series. Check out the "Jezina" tags if you want to see the originals. The story has already moved well past that - it can be downloaded at Smashwords: for any who may be interested :) I'd be honoured if you'd consider reading it!

Here's a snippit from yesterday's writing that can stand on its own (almost :). It's even under 1000 words :)


Jezina rolled her eyes when after several hours of walking the silent watcher stopped suddenly and dropped his gear to suggest they’d reached the place where they’d be camping that evening. “Why yes Kale, this seems perfect. Let’s stop here for the night,” Jezina said not-quite-outloud. He didn’t deign to respond.

Deciding to allow him his sulk, Jezina ignored Kale and started setting up camp while he went in search of food. When he returned they ate the results of his foraging in silence.

“I’m neither sulking nor a child,” Kale told her and Jezina felt her face pale; she hadn’t said it, but it was exactly what she was thinking.

“I’m just considering how best to go about this.”

“Go about what?” Jezina asked, curious now that he was actually speaking to her.

“When we get to the village we should find the professor – he’s an expert in all things prophecy and should be able to answer some questions.”

Jezina shrugged; she had no plans whatsoever once she got there, so it surely wouldn’t hurt to go see Kale’s professor – maybe he’d even tell Kale how ridiculous he was being and then she’d be free of him.

“He’s not my professor and I’m no happier about this situation than you are so you don’t need to be nasty about it.”

Jezina was both stunned and hurt, “I didn’t say anything!” she exclaimed. Kale glared at her, the temperature dropping again. And then suddenly his entire expression changed and he looked at her as though she had a second head. “What?” she asked sharply.

“Think of a number,” he told her unexpectedly. “16!” he stated before she even realized she’d thought of it. Consciously she was still wondering why he wanted her to pick a number. And then she realized Kale was looking rather stunned.

“I can hear your thoughts.” He told her quietly.

“Well stop it!” She felt incredibly violated, and then felt worse knowing that he knew how she was feeling. Somehow she didn’t doubt the truth of his statement even for an instant.

“I’m sorry,” he told her quietly. “I was mad because of the things you’d said – even if they were true, I didn’t think you had any right to say them when I was just trying to help you. It wasn’t until just now that I realized you’d never actually spoken." He stopped, realizing he was babbling, and started again. "It’s a little disconcerting here too you know. Although it does explain how I could hear you when you were with the dragon.”

“How?” she asked.

“I have no idea,” he acknowledged. It’s just like you’re speaking – only you’re not. And it’s not all the time; it’s clearer when your emotions are stronger. When you were so happy playing with the dragon; that was how I found you. And then it was even louder when you were scared by the mother; and of course the many times you’ve been annoyed with me...” he trailed off.

“So I have to be calm to keep you out of my head?” she asked, appalled. He grinned at what she didn’t say.

“You’re not that volatile you know. You’ve just been through some stress recently.” He raised his eyebrows and looked down his nose at the immediate thought to pop into her head about his definition of “some stress”.

“I didn’t say anything,” Jezina protested. “And I appreciate that you’re trying to be civil about it. But you can’t get mad at me for the thoughts you eavesdrop on. Especially when I don’t know anything about you.”

He looked at her thoughtfully for a moment, quiet enough that Jezina wondered what he was thinking which caused him to smirk at her and her to sigh in frustration.

“Ok look, you can ask me one question and I’ll answer it honestly.” She just looked at him, “ok so I know it doesn’t balance out me knowing everything you think, but at least I’m trying.”

She had to acknowledge the truth of that, so she considered the things she could ask. She knew she’d found one with an interesting answer when the temperature dropped. “Why did you hate me so much right from the beginning? We’d never even met. I was running for my life. The rest of your family was friendly and welcoming and you acted like I’d just ruined your life.”

“You were a legend come true and it meant my life was no longer my own. Of course I’d be less than thrilled about that.”

“I thought you were going to tell me the truth?” Jezina questioned, not doubting what he said but knowing instinctively he’d left a whole lot out.

“Did Riely ever tell you I was going to be married?” he asked her in a complete non-sequitur. Her surprised was obvious even if he hadn’t had insight into her thoughts.

“What happened?”

"She wanted to live in town, but I couldn't because of the prophecy; I was bound by the vow of my family for centuries to stay where I could watch the woods. Alecia decided the prophecy was a myth and set out to prove it. If she went into the woods and returned, we were going to be married and move to town. She never returned."

"When did she leave?" Jezina asked cautiously.

"Two days before you arrived."

“Oh Kale, I’m so sorry.” She said quietly, knowing he’d seen the memory flash through her mind, and wishing she’d never asked. From the look on his face, it was clear who the last kelah she’d seen had been.

“I knew,” he said, “somehow I always knew it would never be. I always kept my distance. Loved her in my way, but not with the same passion she always showed me. I always felt so guilty for that, but she was convinced it was real. And I never stopped her from leaving.”

“You didn’t stop her from leaving,” Jezina restated, “but she never offered to stay either.”


Steve Green said...

As ever Lauren, very eloquent. It does flow quite nicely and also gives the feel that it is part of a longer works.

Good luck with the Nanowrimo, my daughter is doing it for her sixth time.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you've got a great story line for NaNo! Prophecy stories are always great and full of lots of conflict!

Lauren Cude Horsfall said...

Thanks Steve! It's my third go w/ nano but first time I've actually enjoyed it :)

Lara thanks :) I hope so!!!

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